why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
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she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
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Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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