He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
A+ Viking dick
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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