OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
