just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I smell like Dick and happiness
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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