I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My pussy is not your playground.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
