Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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