my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
