Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
