Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
