I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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