THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
