So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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