Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize