When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
