Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
it's like iHOP with fire
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
