I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
