Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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