Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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