Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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