I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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