You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
