she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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