i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize