I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina just recognized that song.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize