if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
