i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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