This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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