haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize