I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
