i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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