When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
