I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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