It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
