mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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