So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
