Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
