I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
