thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
