i think my tv is drunk
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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