you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
