So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
