Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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