bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
