He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
