there was a trapeze. enough said
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
