ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
