She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
