you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize