He asked to "fluff my boner.."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
