I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
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last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
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I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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