Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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