he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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