When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
