Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
4 words: hood of his car
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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