so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
