Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
