all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
