My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
