sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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