Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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